Issue: 2016-03-17, Photo: kozzi.com
I think I’ll stick to fishing
The golfing season and duck hunting season have something in common. I am convinced that if a person took up both sports their problems would be greatly magnified.
I came to this monumental conclusion when I was chasing golf balls on the number six fairway. It started to sprinkle rain, but undaunted, like a duck hunter, I forged ahead. By the 8th hole. I was soaked. A fellow golfer hurried by and asked how I was doing. I replied, in the words of a fisherman, that I was having my very best day.
I will turn 83 on my next birthday and that isn’t bad if you are a tree up here in the Yukon Tundra, but being a senior citizen of the Yukon, soaked up to my “you know what” is not the healthiest thing.
Suddenly, I came to the conclusion that both golfers and duck hunters have a certain insanity, clearly proven in their choices of sports.
A doctor told me to find a golf course and take up the game and relax. I followed his instructions and now I’m convinced the doctor needs a brain surgeon. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a “friendly” game of golf; you are out there to beat whoever you are golfing with, especially if it’s your wife.
It’s very clear that there is a close relationship between golfers and duck hunters. That relationship is called insanity. Most sports people stop playing when it starts to rain, with the exception of duck hunters and golfers.
Golfers use 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 irons; duck hunters use the same numbers on their shells, depending on what type of waterfowl they are hunting.
One difference I see is that the duck hunter comes out ahead when it comes to retrieving what he’s after. Consider the golfer: when the golfer puts his balls down on the ground, insanity sets in and he gives them a hard whack. When he finally finds them he gives them another whack and off they go into some bush.
Duck hunters have the advantage, here, as when they shoot a shell off, they have a dog to head into the bush and retrieve the duck.
Golfers tee off and aim at a hole in the ground. Duck hunters shoot at a speck in the sky. Golfers put their tees in their pockets. Duck hunters put their tea in a thermos.
Golfers spend big money on elaborate golf clothes, yet only wear one glove while they are out golfing.
When duck hunters say they got five ducks, in reality it’s anything above zero. On the other side of the coin, the golfer always tells you he shot less than he really did. I’m convinced both golfers and duck hunters have a little fishermen in them.
The conclusion to my golf-duck hunter theory is that I think I’ll stick to fishing.
It’s a simple sport, if you don’t catch a fish at least you don’t have to clean them. Even a fish knows, if it keeps it’s big mouth shut, it won’t get caught. That might be some good advice for those two politicians out on fairway number 4.