Play Makers: Yukonisms: Yukon’s Letter to Santa

Another Christmas season is upon us and with that comes a time for each of us to give thanks for all that we have and reflect on the year that was.

It is a time for Santa parades and office potlucks full of over-indulgence and sometimes regrettable, yet entertaining, moments.

It is a time for snow and shovelling and teases with frostbite, a time for Christmas sweaters and eggnogs with nutmeg.

It is a time that sees many Yukoners use up a chunk of their holidays to hop on a plane and fly across the country to spend the season with family and friends.

And in some cases, spend the majority of those very holidays re-packing all the boxes they packed up prior to moving to the Yukon because now they’ve decided this Yukon place isn’t bad after all.

At least that was the case for me.

It is also a time that sees many youngsters draft letters to Santa, in which they outline all their wildest Christmas wishes.

Like Ralphy does in A Christmas Story when he pitches for a “Red Ryder”

I can still fondly remember some of the letters from my childhood.

They consisted of hopes for O-Pee-Chee hockey cards, Supercycle mountain bikes and Nintendo games like Tetris, Duck Hunt and Donkey Kong.

Sure, come Christmas morning I would usually end up with knock-offs of each, but it never really mattered as each year I’d be back, HB in hand, eager to draft another letter to Saint Nick.

And since it’s been many a year since I wrote one, I thought I would take the liberty of writing a letter to Santa from not just me but from the territory as a whole.

The Yukon’s Christmas Wish List

From Boots the Cat and Sandy the Dog, perhaps some media attention for them as opposed to Trevor all the time. While they sympathize with Trevor’s situation they too have their problems and wouldn’t mind some of the glory as well.

From John the snow remover, some patience while he attempts as quickly as possible to deal with Mother Nature’s latest antics.

From the snowboarders and the cross country and downhill ski enthusiasts, more snow please. (Sorry, John.)

From the currently single people, more currently single people. And while you’re at it, Santa, if you could send a nice batch of transients this summer we’d really appreciate it.

From those commuting to work from Riverdale, a device that lets the car behind you know you are stopping to let a vehicle in. While it’s a nice gesture the coffee on the crouch burns, and 20 minutes to town is a tad long.

From the single-income folks, a halt to the ridiculousness that is the current housing market. The $379,000 average house price is a bit much.

To the now closed Dairy Queen. Please re-open. Even if only once in awhile. There could be Peanut Buster Parfait bonanzas the last Thursday of each month.

If you can’t do that, then please at least demolish the building. You can rename the place all you want, but the truth is we all know it as Dairy Queen and driving by you when one is longing for a blizzard, dipped cone or parfait can be tough.

To the now closed KFC, please refer to the above wish.

Or at the very least take down the sign advertising the chicken specials. It breaks my heart to see tourists and teenagers lining up at the drive-thru for a spicy chicken wrap that’s never going to come.

And of course, if we could all have a healthy year, full of happiness and lower property taxes too, that would be lovely.

Thanks, Santa and Merry Christmas!

PS – The rum and eggnog will be in the usual spot.

Sincerely yours,

The Yukon

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