By Roger Rondeau

I would take Yukon Jack with me on this trip to Europe because Yukon Jack knows everybody and he would be the ‘ best bang for my buck’.

You have to first understand that I flew over the “big salt” with Yukon Jack once before; as the go between him and another amigo with whom he had a major wager. The story!

One day Yukon Jack comes into the ‘98 and orders a “Barney special”; that would be a concoction of Pussers rum with all kinds of other spirits tossed in. He stood at the counter, rang the bell and proclaimed:“A round for the house! I’m Yukon Jack and I knows everybody.” Another buddy, Tuffy, and I were sitting quietly having our sourtoe cocktail when we heard the raucous . Tuffy says, “What kind of malarkey is that, he knows everybody?” I replied, “I kind of think he does.”

Well, before you could say ‘muktuk in Tuktoyuktuk’ the battle was on. A challenge from Tuffy to Yukon Jack; a pocket full of gold to who ever wins. Jack says he knows ‘em all, while Tuffy says he’s full of moose nuggets and me to hold on to ‘precious’. The opportunity to travel with these two sourdoughs was worth all the blarney; three chances to prove either Yukon Jack or Tuffy wrong!

So I soon found myself on a plane to jolly ol’ England with these two old koots. We land at

Heathrow and take a limo to the Queen’s own ‘Palace Grande’. As soon as we get to the door, Queen E looking out her window says, “Blimey, if it isn’t me old pal Yukon Jack. Won’t you come in for a spot of tea.” One for Jack!

Next day Tuffy declares we will now go on to Germany to pay a visit to the Chancellor Merkel. When we get there, at the same time we are approaching the steps to das Parlament, the Chancellor is descending the stairs. Angela stops mid-way and salutes, “Herr Jack what are you doing in our Vunderland? To mein haus right now for some bier, wurst und zourkraut.” S-T-I-R-I-K-E T-WO!

OK, things are heating up here! Tuffy is now ready for the ultimate last call, so we’re off to the Vatican. If Jack knows the Pope, the midnight sun has set on Tuffy. When we get there, thousands upon thousands of people are gathered at the bottom of a pulpit waiting for the Pope to come out and make a speech. When Francis appears, Yukon Jack starts to climb up the balcony. He gets up there beside his eminence and just starts shaking his hand. I look over to Tuffy and I see him flat out on the ground. I move people back and start to fan him for air.

Finally, I get him a bit conscious, so I says, “What in the Sam Hill happened?” He looks at me and smiles: “When I saw Yukon Jack meet and greet the Queen, I could take it. When I saw him do the same with Chancellor Merkel, I could even take that. But when the guy beside me yelled out, who’s that guy shaking hands with Yukon Jack?” 

So now you know who I am going with, you will want to know where we would be going. First and foremost we will land in Amsterdam. Why? We will go to visit Black Afghani, then Red Lebbi, then Blonde Morrocci.

After that who cares!