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Wasting Away in Geezerville

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Issue: 2019-03-13, PHOTO: Pixabay

The allure of even a well-crafted, lightweight shovel begins to pale after days upon numberless days of snow upon snow upon snow. There is wisdom in the old saw that everybody likes to complain about the weather, but nobody does anything about it... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2019-02-06, PHOTO: Pixabay

Beyond the windows of my study/greenhouse, the temperature is still in deficit mode and falling. Another skiff of snow arrived overnight—the dry, fat, fluffy kind I have no trouble ignoring. It will either blow away, or it will not. It doesn’t... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-12-19, PHOTO: Pixabay

The time-honoured English tradition of the Christmas pantomime (known affectionately as just “panto”) was not part of my childhood. My British father did grow up attending pantos, before going on to become an usher in post-Victorian music halls... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-12-05, PHOTO: Pixabay

Every now and then, a fella happens to hit the sweet spot, even if it is more by good luck than good management. I rest my case on a recent example. Early in the week, I casually mentioned to “Herself” that it was time to consider remounting the... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-11-07, PHOTO: Pixabay

It’s official. Apart from a few hardy species that relish cold weather for some absurd reason, backyard garden 2018 has now been decommissioned. Several less-hardy species—tomatoes, peppers, et alia—clung valiantly to life in their wheeled, rodent... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-10-31, PHOTO: Danny Macdonald

It’s confession time in Geezerville. I recently spent my allotted 450 words in this space musing about some of the beguiling delights to be found in the “be” section of the dictionary. Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-10-17, PHOTO: Danny Macdonald

To be, or not to be. For advocates of plain writing, Shakespeare’s most famous monologue is a touchstone. Its opening sentence consists of nine one-syllable words in a row, followed by one containing just two (depending on whether one reads... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-10-03, PHOTO: Pixabay

I’ve already mentioned how easy it was to provoke calls on my radio open-line show in Charlottetown in the 1970s, by inviting listeners to share either recipes or gardening tips. One desperate morning, I stumbled across a topic that lit up the... Read more

Humour

P1-2018-09-05-KenBolton-GV-AdvisetotheUnwise.jpg

Issue: 2018-09-05, PHOTO: Pixabay

One of the more interesting jobs I’ve ever held was hosting an open-line show (we secretly called it “open-mouth”) on a private radio station in Charlottetown, PEI. Unlike some parts of Canada—especially B.C., with its tradition of brash (often... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-03-28, PHOTO: Pixabay

A few days from now, I will undergo a frightening transition from this life to another. Please don’t misunderstand. As far as I know, I’m not about to kick the bucket, cash in my chips, turn toes-up, shuffle off the coil, turn in my Bingo dabbers... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-02-28, PHOTO: Robert Couse-Baker on Foter.com

I need a little help here, folks. Valentine’s Day has already come and gone, but it’s left me in a bit of a quandary. This isn’t an event Herself and I normally celebrate with a lot of folderol and fiddle-dee-dee. A nice card, a special hug, a... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-02-07, PHOTO: Pixaby

We all know nostalgia ain’t what it used to be. My concern is that the noble art of the insult is also on the skids these days. When I was a kid, one of the worst taunts you could throw at someone was, “Ah, your mother wears army boots.” Stupid... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2018-01-17, PHOTO: Pixabay

In the hyper-sensitive world of childhood, an ill-chosen word can sometimes have a devastating impact, even if no harm is intended. I’m not talking about the kind of taunting, bullying talk that was unfortunately common on the playgrounds of my... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-12-06, PHOTO: Rina Pitucci/Flickr

I could be wrong, but I’ve never bought into the notion of predestination – that the cosmic fix is in, and our ultimate fate is set by forces beyond our control. By the same token, I don’t subscribe to the idea of karma – the Hindu-Buddhist belief... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-11-01, PHOTO: Pixabay

Just for the heck of it, let’s take a look at three English words that, on the surface of things, appear to have a lot in common. Before we start, I want to mention once again my amazement that anyone can actually understand the English language... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-10-18, PHOTO: foter.com

The first week of September, the mice fled the fields and snuck indoors, as mice are wont to do. It happened in the quiet hours of one night. The day before, the kitchen drawers and cupboards were spotless. The next, they were festooned with... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-10-04, PHOTO: William Warby - Flickr

It’s the age-old debate about the chicken and the egg. Sometimes, we simply don’t know what is cause and what is effect. This is especially true when it comes to matters that touch on personal feeling. As a for-instance, do you love cream of... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-09-13, PHOTO: Pixabay

One of my favourite pastimes is exploring the origins and meanings of common English words and expressions. Our language is such a hodge-podge (dare one say “hotchpotch”?) of thefts, borrowings and adaptations from others, that an etymologist can... Read more

Humour

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Issue: 2017-08-30, PHOTO: Pixabay

The way some people talk, you’d think farmers’ markets were a recent invention by eco-conscious millennials spurred to action by reading a book about the 100-mile diet. Nothing could be further from the truth. Read more

Humour

P2-2017-08-16-Pixabay-Geezerville-Festivals.jpg

Issue: 2017-08-16, PHOTO: Pixabay

Those of us who relish a good outdoor music festival – especially of the grassroots-and-granola variety – have learned to endure any number of indignities in the pursuit of someone else’s towering art. Read more

Humour