Dear Mister Ed

Oh golly, I got a sad tail to tell you, Darrol.

It started a cuppla nites back, when Maisy got into the cups again. Well she was into the glasses ackshually, but I reckon its what was in ’em that done the harm.

Bein’ aware as to how she gets with a snort or two onboard, I deside to stay outta site as best I can.

So I run a bath and lock myself in the warshroom to wait till she cams down.

There I am, up to the neck in soap suds, when a big thunderashun comes at the door and in busts Maisy with a look in her eyes like I never hope to see again.

Jest outta instinkt, when that fool woman violaytes the sanktity of my place of refuse, I shoots up outta the tub all set to run fer help.

Now its a good thing my Daddy told me to allways wear long Johns in the tub, to save warsh water come Monday.

Instead of gettin’ an eye full of what I never shows to nobody, what Maisy sees is me in my Standfeelds lookin’ like a haff-drownded rat.

So in loo of goin’ all moony-eyed and frisky, she busts out laffin’ till she passes out cold as a mackrel on the warshroom floor.

By now I’m thinkin’ it ain’t safe to be alone in the same house as her, so I get my duds on fast as I can and head out in a cab to this big cassino that looks like the Eye Full Tower.

I figger I can dissapear in the crowd, and maybe try my hand at a little Texxas Fold-’em to see if I can do as good as that nite in Dymond Tooth Gerts.

By jingo, five hours later I’m sittin’ with next to 800 thousand bucks in front of me.

I ain’t ritely sure what happened next, but the feller with the white shirt and the eye shade says “Are you all in”?

Well seein’ how late it was, I truely was tuckered out. So I says “Yes, I spose I am”.

Next thing you know, evry penny I had to my name was bein’ slid acrost the table to some big feller in a cowboy hat that looked like Kenny Rodgers.

It took all of three seconds afore these two lads the size of Summo rasslers come up on each side of me and whisper in my ear “Its time to go home, sir”.

Now I can take a hint as good as the next feller, so I stands up, says “good nite” and heads out the door.

Trubble is, even if had the price of a cab, I were’nt keen on bein’ stuck alone with Maisy again.

So here I am on a park bench, ritin’ on a nappkin I found in the trash. If Walt and Eva don’t get back on time tomorra, I may be here fer the rest of my days.

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