Dear Mister Ed

So where was I? Oh yes, I was tellin’ you about my and Wilferd’s exsellent advenchurs in Dawsin City.

Like I said, soon as we walked into Dimond Tooth Gerts, all manner of hijinks busted out.

I think there was a band of some kind, but all I recolleckt fer sure is a bunch of gals flingin’ there ankles in the breeze whilst they done the Hootchy-Kootch with there skirts up past the garter line.

Big bouncey skirts, with more cullers than a box of Life Savers.

When the gals took a brake to catch there wind, a singer decked in old-timey duds belted out a bunch of songs I ain’t heard since afore I was born.

I was sittin’ there mindin’ my peas and cues when all on a sudden this hootchy-kootchy gal plunked herself on my lap and commensed to run her fingers thru where my hair useta be.

Rite there on the loud speaker, she ast what my name was. So I says “Rodney”, seein’ as how that’s pretty much the case.

By the time she ast where I hailed from, I was so flustrated all I cud think to say was “Rodney” again.

As you can imajin, evrybody near bust there britches laffin’ over that one. I felt so mortifyed, all I cud do was head fer the warshroom and hide out a spell.

Wilferd come in and says do’nt take it too bad, on accounta they allways go fer the best lookin’ feller in the house.

So I ast him, is that what they mean by havin’ a lap dance? But he jest laffed and said No, Gerts dancers ain’t that kinda gal at all.

Then he says its time to try my luck with the 25 bucks he gave me.

Now I allways figgered its best to start off slow when yer new at somethink, so I put two bits in one of the no-arm bandits. Nothin’ happened, so I tried again. And again.

Wilferd says dubble ‘er up, and soon I was playin’ six bits a time. After droppin’ nearly 9 bucks I was scared we’d wind up hitch hikin’ home.

Then all at once theres bells dingin’ and a big clanky noise as a huge mess of qwarters hits the tray.

Danged if the same did’nt happen on the loony-tune machines. Then again. And again. I finely had so many buckets of coins it took 14 trips to cash ’em in.

The refund lady ast did I want money or chips? Seein’ as chips was’nt near so heavy, I got a bunch of different cullers and headed to the Hold-or-Fold table.

The long and short is the cards come down some sweet. I won’t brag on what I made, but lets jest say there was a coma and lots of zeros.

Wilferd says I got the gift to not show whats on my mind. But Merna put it different.

“Rodney”, she says, “yer like a porch lite with nobody home.”

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