Dear Mister Ed

Holey Old Moley, it seems like things ain’t rite in the Youcon skies.

I first took note of it a few weeks back when I made my nitely trip at 3 ayem to get close to nachur in the little place out back.

Come to think on it, afore next winter comes, I’d best buy a thunder mug fer under the bed.

Last time I lived here I had the indoor plummin’, so I did’nt take much heed of the chilly wind facktor. I sware, some nites it blows fit to make a brass munkey outta me.

Anyways on this nite it was clear and cam with Oh my golly, I betcha nearly a thousand stars. I had jest hitched up my Standfeilds and buttoned my overhauls, and took a look up to see if the Big Dipper was still on the job.

Thats when it hit me. What on earth has happened to the Northren Lites? I ain’t seen ’em all winter.

Well, danged if the next day there was’nt a story on the CBC about how the lites has gone missin’ this year, and how the torrism folks are all upset ‘coz its makin’ the populashun of Jappan go down.

I did’nt unnerstand that last part till a fella named Wilferd tole me how theres some magick in the Northren Lites that helps Jappanese folks have babys.

As if this was’nt bad enuff, I heard another story sayin’ there was a big jump in the number of folks that seen You-Eff-Ohs last year. But heres the shockin’ part. It was mostly in Ontarryo, Allberta and Brutish Columbya.

Now that ain’t rite. Evrybody knows the Youcon is where them contrapshuns ritely belong. Theres even pages and pages in one of the newspapers tellin’ who to call if you see one.

So what in the name of Pete is goin’ on? Did the folks from Lake LaBardge all up and move to Allberta? Whats next? Is the Saskwatch gonna leave Tesslin?

With the eckonomy gone to heck in a handcart, the Youcon needs its nachural wonders to keep them torrism dollars rollin’ in.

Wellsir, this sent Preemyer Fentys folks to work. Fast as fast, they went and put up a bunch of real big mirrers on the govamint roof.

Wilferd says there called solular panels that colleckt sun beams and turn ’em into electrick, on accounta Youcon Energy havin’ problems keepin’ the lites on.

But I figger its some other think all together, and its real smart.

I think the govamint is usin’ them to send seckret messages into outter space, askin’ the green people to please bring there You-Eff-Ohs back to the Youcon.

But that’s only the first part of it. What there workin’ on now is how to shine a bunch of cullored lites off ’em at nite so’s the Jappanese torrists think the Northren Lites is back.

You gotta hand it to them govamint folks. When the goin’ gets tuff, they get rite on it.

Yer pal,

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