Dear Mister Ed

OhKay evrybody, lets hear it fer Dominion Day.

Oops, it aint called that anymore is it? OhKay then, lets hear it fer Canada Day.

Now if yer like most Canadians, you probly think the Fathers of Confabulashun sat down outside Dingwell’s Pond 143 years ago and signed a peace of paper makin’ us all one big happy land.

That aint how it went at all. Nosiree, Bob.

What ackshually happened was the preemyers of NS, NB and PE had plans to hunker down fer a few sangwiches and a chin wag in Charlottetown in September of 18-and-64.

Then the fellers from ON and QC, who called themselfs Canada back then, ast if they cud stop by. So the others say c’mon down and they did.

They all belt back a bit of rum, then belt out a few songs about gettin’ together and feelin’ all rite. In fact, they felt so good they done ‘er all over again in Qwebeck City the next month.

This time the party lasts two weeks and they all have a grand, grand time. All but the PE lads, who’s nose is outta joint over the Uppity Canada crowd dressin’ so fanssy and talkin’ so fast.

A few conyacks in, the rest of ’em says lets join a union. Whitch is funny, seein’ as they was all bosses.

Anyways they pitch in there dues and hire some fellers to rite a collectiv agreement. Bein’ a govamint job it takes more’n two years, but finely they get ‘er done and send ‘er off to Qween Victorya.

Well Victorya says if thats what you want, what you reelly reelly want, then go fer ‘it. Posh gal, that one.

She puts on ‘er crown and says you got yer own land as of July 1, 18 and 67, but you need a name thats easy to spell. How about Dominion?

The union boys say we cant call ourselfs after a grossery store. How about Not-USA?

That dont amuse me, says Old Vic, who aint even all that old back then. Yer gonna be called Canada.

Bein’ Qween, she cud get away with stuff like that.

Poste Canada Post had the last laff. It got to say what the providences and terratrys wud call themselfs.

It took a goodly while fer the other preemyers to figger if herrin’ chokers cud mix with bluenosers and QC cud put up with ON, maybe they otta join.

MB and NT come aboard in ’70, BC a year after. In ’73, PE says you mite as well take us too, since you pretty much own us anyhow.

It takes 15 more years fer word to reach YT, but no body there can resist a party, so they get in. SK signs up in ’05. So does AB, once the others promise not to touch there oil.

In ’49 NL was NSF, so it come in. The last spike got drove in ’99, and that was somethink NU, since there was’nt Noneofit till then.

Thats how it all come to be. Like the man says, I’m dyin’ if I’m lyin’.

So Happy Birthday, Canada. Two hips and a hooray!

Yer pal,

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