“Don’t come the raw prawn with me mate!”

A tribal counsel in Borneo has fined a man and his lover four buffalo and a pig as punishment for having an extramarital affair, seemingly a rather excessive judgement as they were probably related.

This tribal council’s judgement has by no means gone unnoticed by Australia’s Ambassador for People Smuggling.

Up to this point, I was totally unaware Australia was smuggling people, although I knew they had a strong national swim program and I like the taste of Coopers Pale Ale. Where does Australia’s Ambassador for People Smuggling smuggle people, and why?

Whatever happened to simply throwing another shrimp on the barbie mate?

The Australian Prawn Farmers Association, collectively not a happy bunch these days, wants the general public to be aware of the origin of their seafood purchases, as there is a current increase of improperly labelled seafood products on the market.

As any good prawn farmer can tell you, Aussie-raised are a far superior item.

Shrimp and prawns are closely related and taste the same, but do have a few distinguishing features between them. Both are decapod crustaceans (exoskeletons and ten legs) and can be found swimming at the bottom of bodies of salt or fresh water all over the world.

Prawns are considered to be larger, but one of the actual biological differences is prawns have lamellar gills with a plate-like structure while shrimp have branching gills. Shrimp have large front pincers while prawns have larger second pincers.

And here is the part I like: prawns have longer legs than shrimp.

Spot, white, brown, pink and Pacific shrimp, along with deep water, bay, king and tiger prawns, are popular varieties for seafood enthusiasts.

For an easy garlic shrimp barbecue, mix ½ cup extra virgin olive oil, 3 or 4 minced garlic cloves, 1 teaspoon tarragon, 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard, juice of ½ large orange and juice of one lemon in a glass bowl. Throw in a pound of peeled, de-veined, and rinsed colossal Pacific shrimp to marinate, cover and put in the fridge for a half hour.

If you are going to use wooden skewers, soak them for an hour before threading the shrimp on for the barbie.

After pre-heating, the grill cooking time for the shrimp will be only a few minutes per side, cook until shrimp turn pink basting with excess marinade.

Which brings us to the time-honoured Australian tradition of prawn throwing. This is kind of like throwing an octopus at a Red Wings hockey game, but prawns are not nearly as disgusting and can be easily grilled at parties afterward.

Prawn throwing in Australia was originally employed by the great unwashed to let cricket officials at the Sydney Cricket Ground know that the cricket fans may have a slight difference of opinion with the umpires on a few calls.

The only recourse open to otherwise law-abiding cricket die-hards sitting on “the hill”, no stands or seats, is to hurl prawns (shrimp), cooked or uncooked, at opposition fans.

Hold the hot sauce.

My wife has a long, well-documented history of interesting behaviour, like standing on poisonous snakes or agreeing to marry me in Uganda, and was once struck on the back of the head by a flying cooked prawn (shrimp) while enjoying cricket on a sunny afternoon at the oval.

It seems the international test matches against the English brought out the greatest concentration of flying prawns (shrimp), cooked or raw.

The U.F.O. watchers in the U.S. Midwest would have had a field day with flying prawns.

Remember to shop locally and watch for flying prawns.

And don’t even think about tyin’ me kangaroo down, sport!

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