“My face hurts but my hands are OK”

If you have to get your head so close to the bbq grill when you light it that you need welding goggles for protection from the ensuing flash, you are doing something very wrong and may be in serious trouble.

You should also probably be wearing a helmet and kneepads as well as getting solid professional advice.

Nevertheless, if your wife will let you wear them in the kitchen, swim goggles or a snorkeling mask with or without the snorkel may be worn while peeling onions to prevent those pesky tears, though they are not an effective deterrent against tears for a Canuck’s fan during a playoff game.

It is spring and time to look for new and improved barbecue stuff.

“The Blomus Atrio Fire Basket”, currently going off at over $900, got two thumbs down from our panel but the “Coated Universal Turkey Lifter” (used for lifting bbq’d turkeys from the grill) got the nod at $20. Wear mitts.

If the recently offered “Silicone BBQ Mitt” at $15 does not twirl your rotisserie, perhaps you would be stylin’ in your new “13-Inch Leather Cooking Gloves” for $17. I think Fredrick’s of Hollywood has the gloves as well.

A nice research-lab-style “Ceramic Mortar and Pestle” for easier dried herb pounding and grinding, can be yours for a very reasonable $13. Sorry, white only.

My concern regarding a mis-categorized snake ad was so great that I very nearly overlooked the innovative new “Digital Meat Fork Thermometer” offered at a mere $17.

Barbecuing can be a very romantic activity when done properly. If you ever hear a woman say “barbecue tongs make me hot”, marry her immediately. Imagine the effect power tools or even just the lawn mower might have.

Barbecue tongs are not sexy you say? Ubergizmo has “Digital Bbq Tongs” to die for. Sensors at the tip of the tongs send meat temperatures to an LCD display showing the meat’s internal temperature. There are seven pre-sets for different meats and an alarm will sound when the pre-set temperature you have selected has been reached.

For those cooking at night, possibly after a few cactus colas, the tongs also come with an integrated LED flashlight powered by AAA batteries. Now that is a lot of bbq tong at a cost of only $40. I may never cook on the stove again.

There are also any number of wireless thermometers at varying prices featuring built-in alarm systems to help you keep track of cooking times and meat temperatures from up to 100 feet away, where you are sitting by the pool.

Looking for neat bbq stuff for sale, I read this desperate cry for help from the wilderness. “What do they call those little things you use to hold bbq corn?”

Poor devil. One can only imagine his advanced state of agitation regarding this matter.

The solution to his quandary, it would seem, is “Corn holders.” Who would have thought? Apparently “corn holders” are widely available and come in sets and styles from simple to camp.

And let us not forget the venerable and underrated chicken roaster with a base, which can be purchased for around $10.

Remember to shop locally and grill with care.

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