Subject: We have a houseguest.

Sarah,

Glad to hear your travels are going well. Our guest’s name is Theo. He is a Norwegian high altitude climber and currently, he is sitting on our deck in his long underwear, chain-smoking. Wemedevaced him off of Mount McKinley and his symptoms resolved by the time he got to Whitehorse General but his passport, money and all his clothes are at some wilderness camp near Anchorage. His English is pretty good but he’s run into some trouble trying to get his documents sent from Alaska and has nowhere to stay so I’m going to try and help him out. Never a dull moment.

Stan

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From: sourdoughsarah@hotmail.com

To: stan_41@gmail.com

Date: Fri, 3 Jun 2011 10:06:36

Subject: As high as you can get in the U.K.!

Hey you,

Just finished climbing Ben Nevis! Here is my travel advice so far: Renaissance reenactments are boring. Old (and I mean, old) graveyards are awesome. Ghost tours insult my intelligence. Lowriderjeans are not traveling clothes. Whatever you feel like you NEED to pack, you need half of it. There’s nothing better after a long day of walking than sipping malt whiskey and eating something fried in batter.

Sarah

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From: stan_41@gmail.com

To: sourdoughsarah@hotmail.com

Date: Thurs, 9 Jun 2011 17:15:47

Subject: Theo’s Passport Odyssey Continues

I was trying to get a hold of the folks at FedEx and Customs to have Theo’s documents released. It was a real Catch-22:

– We need to see copies of his passport to send him this package.

– The passport is in the package.

– But we will need to see the passport to ship the package.

– Well open the package and look at the passport.

– Oh no, we can’t open the package unless he produces his passport.

Wankers.

From all of this I have learnt five things.

– Always take your passport with you when you cross a boundary – even if it is at high altitude on a mountain.

– Always make sure your Medevac goes back to the country where your stuff is.

– Never write on the package that you are FedExing that it is really your important documents inside; instead write “stolen goods” or “human organs”. Otherwise, it will get held up by Customs.

– If you wait until Wednesdays in the summer, Condor flights to Frankfurt are only $350.

– I miss you when you’re gone. This would all be a lot more fun to make fun of if you were here.

Stan

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From: sourdoughsarah@hotmail.com

To: stan_41@gmail.com

Date: Fri, 2 July 2011 02:31:55

Subject: I’m not going to lie to you….I’ve been drinking.

Bunch of us went down to the Cavern tonight. It’s the bar that the Beatles used to play at and it was awesome! It reminded me a lot of the Lower Deck, but Britified. I have two hours before I catch my train to London. Sleep? Not sure if it’s a good idea.

S.

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From: sourdoughsarah@hotmail.com

To: stan_41@gmail.com

Date: Sat, 2 July 2011 06:15:49

Subject: I yakked on the train.

So here’s my word picture of the day for you. A man dressed in a shiny green bikini, striking a panther pose as a “man-sized” olive in a big plastic martini glass. Yep. I ran into the Gay Pride parade on my way to Phantom of the Opera! The more fun I have, the more I miss you. Gay Pride parades are meant to be shared.

Luv.

Sarah

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From: stan_41@gmail.com

To: sourdoughsarah@hotmail.com

Date: Sun, 3 July 2011 12:25:58

Subject: Sounds like London is Fabulous!

You yakked on the train! I like the cut of your jib! Theo finally got away. We have a standing invite to go visit him in Norway. Maybe next trip? Can’t wait to have you back next week!

Safe travels,

Stan