Larry Bird

President, Indiana Pacers

125 S. Pennsylvania Street

Indianapolis, Indiana 46204

Dear Larry Bird,

Do you know the series 30 for 30? It’s a bunch of documentaries about different sports things. My favourite episode is about Spike Lee and Reggie Miller, and how Spike was rooting for the New York Knicks and Reggie was playing against the Knicks for the Indiana Pacers, so they didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye. Anyway, now you are the President of the Indiana Pacers, so I bet you’ve seen it. Do you know Reggie Miller personally? Is he nice?

I’m actually writing to you about something else, though. It’s about your name. Well, not your name, Larry, but the name of the team you are the President of: the Indiana Pacers.

When I first heard that Indiana had a basketball team called the Pacers I thought to myself, ”Wow, cool.”

You see, I thought “Pacers” referred to people who pace back and forth. You know, like restless souls and awkward academics. I thought that was neat, because there aren’t many teams named after people like that.

I, myself, am a bit of a pacer, Larry. I’m a writer from the Yukon (which is in Northern Canada) and sometimes when I’m working on a writing project, I just walk back and forth while I decide what to write down. Sometimes I pace for awhile; sometimes I even mutter to myself.

So you can imagine how excited I was when I thought there was an actual professional sports team named after pacers like me. But then it turned out that Pacers actually references harness racing pacers and car racing pace cars. Imagine my disappointment!

But then I thought, “Hey, wait a second. If Pacers already means two things, why not just add one more, to make it three?”

My idea is to make it so that your team name also means “people who walk back and forth when perplexed.”

I think this would benefit your franchise, because all of a sudden a whole group of people who didn’t have any interest in basketball would finally feel like there was a team out there for them. Imagine all your new fans!

I’ve also thought of a new mascot for you guys. I call him “The Professor”, and he would be this stern-looking guy who would just pace up and down the sidelines with a scowl on his face. He could wear a tweed jacket and one of those square caps you get when you graduate from something.

Anyway, that’s my idea, Larry. Please let me know what you think about it.

Yours truly,


PS- because I am Canadian I am hoping for the Toronto Raptors in the NBA Playoffs this year. But if you heed my advice, I might consider cheering for your crowd next year.