Confession of a Mustache Cheater

This is the first time in my life my upper lip has been covered by anything that could be defined as a moustache. You see, I have what might be described as a follicular disability. What some would call a 5 o’clock shadow would take about five weeks to appear on me.

Movember was my chance to allow an embarrassingly invisible scruff of hair to linger and develop slowly, all in the name of support for prostate cancer research. Last year I turned away from the razor for the first weeks of November and my family didn’t even notice I was participating in Movember. By mid-month the production was so desperately poor I quietly went to the bathroom and shaved off any evidence of my failings; my efforts, in my mind, had gone unnoticed.

This year, I tried again. I wasn’t going to be embarrassed by my shortcomings this time. No, I was going to stand proud — by cheating and starting my growth 3 weeks early. I only had to lay low for 2 days; my moustache first started to become visible about October 30, and I didn’t want my deviousness to be outed. Finally, at the end of November, I can cross “grow a moustache” off of my bucket list.

I sometime sit proudly fondling this foreign new appendage on my face. Other times I think to myself “Why would anyone want this annoying Velcro-feeling mess attached to their mouth, catching soup and debris.”

So come December 1, I have a big decision to make. There will be much internal conflict over the pros and cons of keeping my new furry friend – with much input from my wife too, I’m sure. My wife is definitely in the shave-it-off camp, and she can be very persuasive. But I have a favorite hat; it suits me well, and the new moustache really ties the whole “look” together.

But my successful ‘stache growth has come at a cost. I have done a disservice to my fellow Mo Bro’s who suffer the same lack of ability in the area of whisker growth. I wonder if my ill-gotten success has caused others to remove their efforts, as I did mine last year. Regardless of whether I decide to keep or shave my moustache on December 1, I do make this commitment in solidarity with all of you out there who suffer the same follicular challenges as I do: next year, on November 1, I will have a clean upper lip, and I will proudly stand beside my fellow Mo Bros regardless of how poorly that lip covers itself.

Despite bending the rules, Mark Beese is a proud Movember supporter. Visit his site at to make a donation in the fight against prostate cancer.

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