I’m a walking mass of contagion.

Well, if I were honest, I’m currently reclining on an IKEA futon, propped up precisely so that I don’t leak mucous onto the keyboard.

I got a good ol’ “knock you on your arse” cold.

More than just your usual sniffles, I have the kind of infection that makes you stare off into space as your brain slowly stews in its own juices.

Normally I’d be totally into doing nothing. Why, I have quite a library of distractions that actually insist I don’t leave the house, so you think this would work in my favour.

Alas, I’m rendered kind of useless. My fiancée would also add “whiny” to my general disposition, as well. Though I’m taking the time to write this, mainly to see what kind of thoughts churn at high temperatures.

I get colds pretty regularly.

Either my immune system is as lazy as I am, or maybe viruses just dig the heck outta me. It makes me feel a little better that microscopic organisms are using my body as a time-share.

I’m such a typical Canadian; I can’t help but be a congenial host.

It has taken me quite a while to get the idea that colds just have to run their course.

But I have never met more people with differing opinions on the subject than in the Yukon.

On suggestions from fellow Northerners, I’ve tried the following with variable success:

• COLD FX: I can never really tell if this stuff is working or not, but an article in Skeptic magazine detailed how useless it is, so there goes the placebo effect for that.

• Echinacea: Eating pills that taste like sweet, chalky hay ain’t worth the non-effectiveness.

• Vitamin C: The FDA says it does nothing, but you can get some really tasty chewables these days, so where’s the harm?

• Oil of Oregano: A mouthful of burning oregano. If you want breath like your Aunt’s kitchen, great.

• You’ve now replaced feeling sick with tasting spice for a good while. A word to the wise, wait a good hour before having anything with flavour. Oregano and coffee don’t mix.

• Steamy Sauna: I tried it once, and it felt like a heavy wet blanket of ‘hot sick’ was pulling me into the ground. And fumbling out of the Steam Room at the Lions Aquatic Centre, in a stupor, ain’t all that attractive.

While these weren’t terribly effective for me, each and every Yukoner who suggested these, completely stands by them. I can guarantee there are quite a few more out there, from the simpler to the even more arcane.

But let’s face it, do whatever’s going to make you happier, as the next few days are going to generally suck.

As a whiny child, my mother would just keep me fed, and TV Ontario kept me occupied. (If it wasn’t for the common cold, I would have missed out on a lot of Read All About It.)

For now, I’ve got some chicken soup at hand and YouTube on my laptop.

Inoculate yourselves accordingly, my friends!