Greetings, Fellow Sinners!

By the time you read this, The Rapture might have just happened.

It was floating around the internets recently – a fundamentalist Christian group in the States (oh, really?) declared that May 21 would be the date that God calls in all markers.

Judgment Day. Armageddon. The Great Big Check-out.

You know how it goes.

Generally, I’m more than happy to indulge anyone’s particular “crazy”, but these cyclical End-of-the-World proclamations are getting tiresome.

With all the misses that doomsayers have logged over the decades, I’m not sure why anyone should bother giving them the time of day.

In my eyes, it’s a big and ballsy case of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

I’d be hip-deep in trouble if I hollered “Fire” in a crowded theatre, so I’m not sure why we let people get away with it on a global scale.

Being highly religious isn’t a qualifier for getting away with saying whatever inflammatory thing comes to mind – even though these end-of-the-world predictions are consistently wrong.

Even an atheist like me knows that particular passage of the Bible: “No man shall know the time of the end of the world.” I’m paraphrasing here, but I figure that’s okay, since these end-of-the-worlders make it up as they go along, too.

For the doomsayers’ sake – I do get it – you wait for a bus long enough, and it’s eventually gonna show up right?

A few million years from now, barring any natural cosmic run-in, the world is eventually going to end. The kooks have that fact to count on at least – eventually one of them is going to be right.

They make it seem like God is giving out bonus points for the guy who gets it right.

With this in mind, I can use the same time versus probability formula and pretty much predict anything, too.

Check this out: Sometime – in the future – you’ll spill your coffee!

I didn’t even charge you for that one.

The best thing about predicting Cosmic Divine events is that you don’t need to muddy up the waters with any of that high-falutin’ science talk.

It’s all in the pitch.

The latest weirdo claiming the “End Times” devised his own mathematical formula (naturally) to glean the particular date from the Bible. And, as we all know: Math + Bible = Indisputable Truth!

That is until the date passed and nothing happened.

Or did it?

You’re reading this article past the doom date, after all.

I’m gonna make a pretty safe guess that we all spent a relaxing May 22, sans Lake of Fire. (Nice job on calling the End of the World on a long weekend – jerk.)

But hey, why not hedge all bets? This could very well be my first post-Rapture article for What’s Up What’s Left of Yukon.

And if so: Greetings, fellow sinners! We sure have a lot more room now, eh?

Since all the fundamentalists have floated away to the skies – I say we celebrate!

Let’s have a territory-wide block party!

At least till the next End of the World rolls around.

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