Intelligent Life ‘Out There’

Barring the whole atheism thing, I swear on a giant stack of Bibles that the next paragraph is completely true.

Scanning the BBC News website recently, one article in particular leapt out and grabbed my attention. It seems that Father Gabriel Funes, the director of the Vatican Observatory, made a statement in the official Vatican newspaper that there very well may be intelligent life, created by God, in the vastness of outer space.

At this point, feel free to stick your finger between your lips and make motorboat sounds.

Just the fact that there’s an observatory at the Vatican threw me for a bit of a loop.

But, an official representative of one of the largest Christian religions effectively saying that “They’re out there!” … that seems pretty wacky.

From the Father, himself: “Just as there are multiple forms of life on Earth, so there could exist intelligent beings, in outer space, created by God. And some aliens could even be free from original sin.”

The little conspiracy theorist that dwells deep inside my brain threw his tinfoil hat into the air with glee upon reading that article.

Does the Vatican know something we don’t? Are they already here? Is alien gentrification getting started now?

Or perhaps, with the recent influx of dissatisfied Anglicans being invited by the Pope to join the Roman Catholic Church, they’re now using that impetus to do an intergalactic recruitment drive?

It’s a brilliant move. I know I’d likely sign up to the congregation with aliens in it … especially if they look like Morena Baccarin from the new V series (insert wolf whistle here).

Seriously, from a body that only recently officially conceded that perhaps Galileo might have had a point, this is a pretty bold move. A merging of science and religion seems to be a progressive step forward.

Believe it or not, the Vatican is even putting on a conference commemorating the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin. But aliens? Really?

There’s one point in all this that galls me about this whole situation …

… I was totally not prepared for aliens.

I’ve been banking on a Zombie Apocalypse for so long now, I’m saddened to think that all those years of training (playing Resident Evil) were all for nothing.

I’m confident in my abilities to survive against a horde of shambling un-dead, but death-ray-wielding space conquerors? … not so much.

Maybe we’ll meet halfway and I’ll get lucky with a Plan 9 From Outer Space scenario happening. Though, if the Vatican is truly expecting some “space Catholics” to come knocking, the worst will be figuring out what to serve methane breathers for Easter.

So, if the Pope is really getting behind the idea of welcoming an intergalactic flock, I’m all for the idea. At least if things get ugly, we have all those episodes of the original Star Trek to fall back on – cause who knows what communion wine might do to their dispositions?

Worry not, my friends; I’ll be standing by with a giant paper maché rock, ready to fly across a few pews to mete out some judo-chopping justice, Shatner-style.

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