I believe hot sauce is the best condiment.

I believe a good hat can set the mood.

I promise to buy Sarah MacDougall’s next album.

I believe YouTube got way less cool when it started putting commercials in front of clips.

I believe perfect teeth are overrated.

I believe Charles Manson ended the ’60s.

I promise to vote.

I believe (nearly) everything one needs to know about ethics can be learned by watching the last scene of Paths of Glory.

I promise to get plenty of fresh air this summer.

I believe if you’re going to swing, you might as well swing for the fences.

I promise to read a novel by Charles Dickens.

I believe the scene where a band “rocks out” in front of an adoring crowd is the lamest of all music video tropes.

I believe Colorado and Washington have it right.

I promise not to use “u” in lieu of “you.”

I believe enthusiasm is sometimes a good substitute for wisdom.

I believe enthusiasm is sometimes not a good substitute for wisdom.

I promise not to make fun of the mentally ill.

If I drink your beer and then drink the beer I bought to replace the beer I drank in the first place, I promise to feel guilty.

I believe there is something eerie about Pringles.

I promise disc golf season is just around the corner.

I believe James Cameron’s ego has made the world more interesting.

I promise to be selective when using puns.

I believe Kurt Cobain was a great American poet.

I promise to believe.

Who says disabilities can’t be sexy?

I believe curling is an underrated spectator sport.

If you have four lighters on your bedside table and they are all out of fluid, I believe it is time to reevaluate certain aspects of your lifestyle.

I promise that all else being equal, I will root for the underdog.

I believe choosing a beer brand based on packaging is totally legitimate.

I believe in the power of a good walk.

I believe in the power of a good wok.

I promise to learn a thing or two about photography.

I believe testing your immune system periodically keeps it strong.

I believe physical books will never be fully replaced by electronic media.

I believe Pinkerton was Weezer’s best album.

I promise to sing in the shower.

I believe avoiding hypocrisy is difficult.

I promise to love more than I hate.

Even though they are out of circulation, I believe pennies will always be worth approximately one cent.

I promise to wake up grateful at least two days a week.

I believe this is not the end.

Peter Jickling is a Whitehorse playwright and the assistant editor of What’s Up Yukon