I received feedback recently on an article I wrote about lesbian breakups. I knew that it was going to touch some nerves … and it did.
Gay marriage is very new and it was a hard-fought battle to gain that right. By criticizing lesbian relationships, I am giving ammo to those who say that we shouldn’t be allowed to marry.
My feeling is that we should be able to be honest about our community and look at the flaws as well as looking at the positives.
Unfortunately, some in our society will look for any crack to denigrate those who they are opposed to. It is like the flack women take when they are either in positions of power or are doing work in a male-dominated field. They are expected to never show any weakness or humanness even, or that weakness will be attributed to their gender.
Men are rarely put under the same microscope. So it is with our community, too.
The people opposed to any sort of gay rights will look for any excuse to show that we shouldn’t be allowed the same rights as the rest of the population.
If I write a column that criticizes our community in any way, then I am giving these people ammunition. However, if the straight world thinks that they have marriage figured out, they need to go look at their own statistics before criticizing.
The divorce rate is high.
Marriage is a challenge regardless of whom you are married to. I should know about the challenges on both sides of the equation having been married on both sides. The challenges are unique in some aspects and very much the same in others.
Of course there are many gay relationships that last and are very successful over the long term. Longevity exists just as it does in straight marriages as well.
I think what I find unique about lesbian relationships is that if it isn’t working they move on. There is no dwelling in the relationship hoping that something will change. I think that is a good thing.
To define our community in terms of the straight community doesn’t make sense. There are no absolutes in anything.
No, all lesbian relationships do not end. There are many successful long-term unions.
I would hope that when we question aspects of our community it is taken in the context of questioning and not taken as an absolute truth.