Zombie Apocalypse? The Yukon is the Place to Be

Have you been kept awake at night by the threat of a zombie apocalypse? If you have a spouse like mine, then you no doubt have.

The interesting question isn’t what will happen to the world, but how will the Yukon fare, as compared to the rest of the world, when the apocalypse happens.

The Yukon often seems at odds with the rest of Canada and the world. Even during the ice age, we had the unfrozen Beringia.

In the Yukon there are a number of factors that will give us the zombie advantage.

Number one: the cold.

Zombies don’t have the intelligence or survival instinct to get out of the cold. They are dead meat, literally. Meat like that freezes solid at -20°C. So for a good portion of the year we have little to worry about.

But what happens when a frozen zombie thaws out? Does the last living part of the zombie brain crystallize and become destroyed in freezing, or will a frozen zombie reanimate in the spring?

It’s probably better to take action before we discover the answer. I’ve thought a lot about how much fun it would be to play a version of mailbox baseball off the back of a snowmobile with frozen zombie heads. The crack of bats as they shatter crystallized zombie noggins will easily diminish the threat.

There is one cause for concern here though, where being in the Yukon may be a detriment. If ever you don’t want something to freeze, you need only dilute it in alcohol. If you know the stats on consumption in the Yukon you know where I’m going with this… A fully diluted body might not freeze fully. I mean, wouldn’t the worst timing for the onslaught of the Zombie Apocalypse be the Friday of the Yukon Sourdough Rendezvous…

Number two: isolation.

Fewer people, fewer zombies. The more open space, the more distance we can put between the threat and us. An island somewhere would make a great home base and would be much more aesthetically pleasing than, for example, a prison. So would an isolated area with a mountain backdrop.

Roadside restaurants, roadhouses, campgrounds offer a lot as well, and may have supplies. Cabins or wall tents can be made fairly comfortable year round, which leads me to the next benefit.

Number three: survival gear.

Hey, this is the Yukon. Some of us make the lifestyle decision to live off-grid even without the total breakdown of infrastructure that comes with a zombie apocalypse. And others live that way recreationally on the weekend. As such, most of us already have everything in our own garages that we’ll need to survive in the new post-apocalyptic reality, never mind tapping into abandoned retail outlets, outback operators, and outfitters.

Number four: food sources.

Anyone know a good hunter? How about a fisher? There’s more moose than people in the Yukon, so unless they start turning, there is steak in the diet for years.

If we trade a little with our equally well-stocked neighbours on the coast we can dine on surf and turf.

Let’s not stop there. Anyone know where to find some berries or mushrooms? Morel gravy for my steak, please, and a cranberry birch syrup sauce for my salmon.

Number five: holistic practitioners.

We have many practitioners of the wingnut arts, here. I use that term with much respect and only a little friendly sarcasm. Just because it doesn’t make sense to me doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. If that were the case my car wouldn’t start.

When the infrastructure collapses, these guys are going to be a big help. They are the ones who will most likely know the medicinal properties of the flora and fauna around here.

Number six: Yukon First Nations.

Let’s face it, they’ve survived the first infestation into their land. And they were doing just fine without all of the things we’ll lose when civilization collapses, so they are set to be in the best shape when it collapses again.

Number seven: Ravens.

They just might be the best advantage we have. Ravens will eat anything. And with the diminished human population leaving behind fewer overfilled city garbage cans for them to hunt in, they’ll be looking for a new food source. I can vividly imagine flocks of ravens tearing apart a zombie as it walks.

Number eight: a prepared population.

There are others out there who have given this some consideration. And there is a lot to consider. Where would be the best place for groups to survive, grow, and thrive? What supplies would be the most crucial? What would be the best group size, and if you could recruit people for your team, who would you want?

Do you think you’ve got this figured out? I’d like to make this a challenge.

Do you, our your group think you have the answers?

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