I thought the public wants intelligent discourse, all sides of a story and alternative, respectful arguments.
So, I go to journalism school, I work for some of the best editors in the business and learn all that I can and I make mistakes (lots of them) and try to learn from each.
But then I find out that the public really wants to know what each other are having for breakfast.
It is called “Twitter,” a word I heard for the first time about six months ago and immediately ignored it. I knew that if I made an attempt to find out what it is, my faith in our collective intelligence would once again be shaken.
It is bad enough that I see rings of youth on the sidewalk all texting each other. These are the same people who will be changing my diapers in 20 years … how could that not be disturbing?
OK, I give up. I will give Twitter Nation what they want. Here is a list of random thoughts – within 140 characters each – that have been bouncing around my head this past week.
• Sidewalks are hard.
• My boss keeps staring at me.
• I’m not bald.
• Do dogs plan their day?
• Mom was right: funny faces do freeze like that.
• Computers aren’t just a fad.
• When I was a baby, I was way cuter.
• I’m glad my big toes are on the inside of my feet.
• Hey, this is a good reason to skip the gym.
• Ha! I never get tired of telling that joke.
• I had better tell my doctor I touched that.
• I’m balding, that’s not bald.
• My bum is itchy and I don’t know why.
• Riverdale to Porter Creek? I can do that in 10 minutes.
• Sandra Davenport dumped me 31 years ago. I wonder if she regrets it yet?
• What is “Honeymoon White”? Isn’t it “white”?
• I’m not losing my hair. It is just moving to my ears and nose.
• Wow! That really came out the wrong way.
• “Please Play Again.” Crap!
• What is acesulfame-potassium and why does it need to be in my hot cocoa?
• Lefty loosey, righty tighty.
• I can quit playing online Backgammon anytime I want.
• I miss my Dad.
• Of course I love her … I watch HGTV with her, don’t I?
• That thermometer can’t be right.
• The Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Nah … Bruce Springsteen.
• Do these shoes make me look fat?
• Ooh! A blue elastic!
• Shovelling the driveway does, indeed, qualify as housework.
• I want a Bobcat.
• Was that a joke? I’ll just smile to be safe.
• I want to thank the Academy and all the little people who got me here.
• Girl Guide cookies!
• Whoo hoo! It’s the third Tuesday of the month!
• West Wing has spoiled me forever.
• In eight more days, Twitter will be dead.
There you have it: my unedited, uncensored and totally random thoughts. Those of you who feel you are now better people for having read this, raise your hands.
Yeah, I thought so.