They ate my soul at the summer parade

They drenched it first in marinade

They cut it into little bits

They served it with a couple of Ritz

The mayor raised his glass of Spanish wine

Said, “My, my, my, this soul is fine”

The crowd roared with its approval

At my soul’s untimely removal

Seasons come and seasons go

Farmers reap and farmers sow

But there’s just one thing I want to know

Where did my lost vitality go?

They cut off my arm at the winter fair

It left me feeling somewhat bare

They prodded it with a metal appliance

They said it was all in the name of science

When I awoke from my anesthetic din

I noticed I was short a limb

They warned me I might become somewhat bereft

“But at least,” they said, ”we took off the left.”

Seasons come and seasons go

Farmers reap and farmers sow

But there’s just one thing I want to know

Where did my lost vitality go?

They put my brain in a jar at the autumn ball

I barely remember it happening at all

Now my mental capacities are quite inhibited

Because my mind is being exhibited

As for compensation, they made me a deal

“We’ll make you a sandwich if you just don’t squeal”

“Or maybe he’d prefer a gin and tonic”

It’s just too bad I was catatonic

Seasons come and seasons go

Farmers reap and farmers sow

But there’s just one thing I want to know

Where did my lost vitality go?

They poked out my eyes at the spring shindig

“Approximately the size of an average fig”

They attached them to a pair of glasses

And made funny faces for the kindergarten classes

I felt quite violated violated by my lack of sight

And informed Amnesty International about my plight

Now I’ll never drive any Mercedes Benzes

But I’ll save a fortune on contact lenses