I can’t say I’m one who watches my weight.

I mean, where’s it gonna go? (Zing!)

I’ve had the same basic kind of body shape since hitting puberty. A slightly rotund body, finished off with stick arms and chicken legs.

I ain’t no Mr. Universe, but at least I’ve had the same pant size for the past six years.

The genetic hand I was dealt has been pretty kind to me overall.

My Italian heritage will assure that I stay relatively the same size, no matter the sheer volume of pasta I consume. And I can shove an unfathomable amount of noodles ‘n’ gravy down this yap of mine, lemme tell ya.

But as we fully well know, you can’t get away with chowing down on so many carbs before the consequences slap you in your meaty face.

Basically, over the course of many years of getting righteously drunk on “pastahol”, I have a permanent spare tire that fluctuates in size from subcompact to small sedan. I’ll honestly never have the discipline to sport a six-pack, but I’m committed to keeping the gut under keg-size.

Still being able to see one’s own feet is always a good rule of thumb.

Now that I’ve officially hit my mid-30s, I can tell that my former Herculean metabolism is having trouble keeping up with my food demands. It just means I have to work harder to maintain a healthy balance in my life and ensure that my thighs don’t rub together all the time.

If only I could stop inventing such delicious late-night snacks.

Indeed, all blame for my bulge battles lies squarely with my early-morning gastronomical aptitude.

And sure, I understand that snacking late at night is conducive to a convex-bellied morning, but you must strike when the iron is hot. And it so happens that all of my great snack ideas come to me in the wee hours of the morning.

I would like to share one particular bit of culinary genius with you now. Firstly, you too can join me on the thrilling highs and lows of weight fluctuation. Secondly, you’ll be able to avoid the usual post-bar Mojos and shovel down some of these in the comfort of your own home.

My wife and I dubbed it: The Pinoeeo!

Catchy, ain’t it?

Your journey to a taste-bud Xanadu will require the following items:

1. A fresh hot dog bun (the smooshier, the better).

2. Oreos (double-stuffed – only for advanced snackers).

3. Peanut butter (Don’t wuss out on the organic junk – you need the smooth stuff).

Spread the goop evenly into the hot dog bun, then insert one layer of cookies.

Breathe a heavy sigh of anticipation, then enjoy. And trust me, you will. For some unknown, but likely arcane influence, the Pinoeeo smells like you’re eating a donut.

I – kid – you – NOT!

When genius calls, potential caloric bomb or not, I’m not going to let something like fat-guilt stop me from heading to flavour country.

Besides, go ahead and try to complain about your weight issues when your mouth is filled with peanut butter and Oreos …

… I dare you!