What’s Up Yukon can kill you

(The views of this columnist do not necessarily reflect …)

OK Yukon – I’m going to say it only once. What’s up? Or, as the online generation has abbreviated that statement to, ‘sup? Not because I’m cool, but because I’m lazy and believe that less syllables are easier on the constitution, I am going to adopt this phrasing. So please, tell me — ‘Sup?

Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer, the question is rhetorical. I’m just saying hello and welcome on behalf of the newest journalistic juggernaut to hit the Yukon streets.

What’s Up, Yukon? is a freight train of information about everything coming and going this way and that which you and your family need to know – along with interesting insight into the vibe of life in Whitehorse and beyond. So much information your brain might actually become heavier thereby causing your neck to be sore for a few days before the muscles adjust to the extra weight of knowledge in your melon.

In order to fully enjoy this publication, you will need one thing that you probably don’t have a lot of in your life – spare time. Sorry, I can’t help you there – I don’t have any myself. But you better find some spare time soon, or stop reading this magazine because it’s bound to cause you nothing but frustration in your already stressed-out world by presenting you with even more ideas for things to do.

So many more ideas to stress out on that, in fact, reading this magazine could actually cause your head to explode – and very few people actually survive an incident of an exploding head. Simply put, reading this magazine could kill you. Consider this the warning like those that appear on cigarette packages.

I suggested an exploding head as a logo but it wasn’t adopted. The kids all thought it was cool, but most parents consider exploding heads to be “inappropriate”.

Even if your head doesn’t explode, you will still have a hard time dealing with all this new information, especially if you already spend your lunch hour blazing up Two Mile Hill to go cross-country skiing at Mount McIntyre for 35 minutes, drinking 2 litres of spring water while you read the rest of the book you need to have finished for your book club that night, all the time conjugating verbs in Lithuanian along with your language CD so you can use multiple-verb tenses during your summer bike trip to the Baltics.

Spare time isn’t our strong suit these days – but we don’t really seem to be doing anything about the real cause of the problem: Sleep. If we didn’t have to sleep, we’d have a lot of extra time to do things.

Yah, I know, not getting enough sleep eventually causes you to loose your mind. But I think that is a small price to pay for personal growth.

So, down with sleep and all things sleepy! Long live What’s Up, Yukon? Go forth my friends and become even busier. Stress is your friend, your tonic, your security blanket, your answer to all that ails you. Come, become busy with us, we are here to help.

Editors Note: It has not yet been scientifically proven that this magazine can kill you.

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