I’m coming out of the closet – again.

This time, for far-nobler purposes than atheism. Indeed, I have found a much-maligned part of society that deserves our complete recognition, adulation and undue attention.

I enjoy reality shows … Now let’s just freakin’ admit to each other that we all love them, too.

Can we? Can that be cool, now?

We’re all standing around at the ugly sweater/moustache/80s party, just waiting to spill every sordid and callous detail we bore witness to on the magic-screen box the other night.

Instead, we’ll recycle tired Flight of the Conchords lyrics, then gaze forlornly out the window, our fears of being mocked taking hold.

We should all be completely free of scorn, for our reality-show loves, my friends. Really, who can say what pastime is nobler than another?

Sure, I can lounge in my sofa, sagely nodding my head to As It Happens, but I and countless others would really rather watch Tim Gunn disapprove of people’s fashion sense. In his stern, yet matronly way, of course.

If we boil it down to straight math, which I’m horrible at, reality television would break down to 60 per cent schadenfreude, 30 per cent “human zoo” and 10 per cent “a story of genuine human interest”.

It is my comfy-armchair opinion that these are the three main ingredients of any good story. Now, don’t you think it would be much more interesting to watch this unfold for real, before your very eyes?

Yes, peruse the TV listings and, I’ll admit, you’ll have to wade around a sea of truly mediocre offerings. A lot of shows don’t have the formula down quite right, but the ones that do …

Now, I’m certainly not saying that Canada’s Worst Driver is high art, but it is highly entertaining. Millions of other closeted fans agree with me. Look around you … I guarantee someone close to you knows a lot more about America’s Next Top Model than they’re letting on.

Let’s face it gang (and by “gang”, I mean everyone on Earth), we’ve always liked watching famous people go crazy. With absolutely everyone watching absolutely everything you do, how could you not go a little insane?

Tyra, I got my eye on you, girl!

So, imagine the mentality of someone fairly normal, like you or me, actively making a decision to potentially put their complete integrity on the line to put themselves in that sort of position.

Some people are looking for shots of vague fame, which you can argue makes peeking into their lives all the more interesting. Others are only looking for the recognition in their craft that they think they deserve. Both reality routes can be highly interesting and naturally entertaining.

As an added bonus for me, I like to get behind people that make the world more interesting in a koo-koo kind of way. I’ll fully support people who want to dive into the monkey cage for all of us to watch.

While we’re on the subject, the Yukon had the odd taste here and there, but we all have to admit there’s some huge untapped reality-show potential up North: Survivor, Carmacks. Who’s on the Main Street cam? Lizards’ Next Top Model … why, the list goes on!