What is it about humankind that we have this need to pair up?
We all seek out relationships and it is a driving force in our lives to do so. When we are younger it often has to do with having a family. As we age, the need becomes more of wanting to have a companion and not be alone in old age.
In our gay community, it seems as if relationship breakups are at epidemic proportions. Not to say that divorce rates are not high in the straight community, because we know it is somewhere around 50 per cent. I do not know what the stats are on gay divorce or breakups, but I would guess that it is higher than that 50 per cent.
I have tried to discuss this and have been met with hostility and defensiveness. I think it is a legitimate question though. Why are breakups so prevalent in the gay community? I can’t really speak about the men as much. I don’t know that many male couples. So perhaps the better question is why do lesbian relationships not last?
The joke in the lesbian community is that the second date is the U-Haul rental.
Lesbians do get together quickly and do often make serious commitments to each other very quickly.
Part of that has to do with the intensity of the connection between women. Because women are emotional people, the connection can be very strong and very intense.
I think also that for many in the community, coming out could have been a trying experience. Many women leave husbands and break up families or have to endure being ostracized by friends and family when they declare their reality. So, having gone through this difficult process, they are not willing to endure a relationship that is less than what they really want.
Maybe it is also because of the intensity of the connection, it can make for a really great passionate relationship, but it can also make for great discord.
I often joke about women together. We are the communicators of the species, so when two women are together, everything must be discussed and dissected and pondered. With all this microscopic attention to things, the flaws become more obvious than they might normally be.
I have no real answers; I can only offer speculation and opinion, which I have done.
I think we need to account for longevity in lesbian relationships in terms of dog years. So for every year together it is really seven.
In terms of the intensity of the connection, I think that’s just about right.