Yeah, but who’s counting?

I’m going on vacation soon and I am very excited. Daisy and I are going to Ontario to visit my side of the family, courtesy of a pair of free tickets from my Mom (not sure if that is an expression of her love or an expression of her distaste for air travel … either way, we are very grateful).

We have house-sitters lined up, my employer has already found a replacement for me – “It was easy,” she says – and we are ready to board the plane on July 25.

Now, I don’t want to appear too anxious, but that is in 23 days. I’ve been counting.

Yup, 23 sleeps and we will be there. Well, 22 sleeps because I don’t think I will be sleeping the night before.

Another way to look at it is I will be editing four more of these papers before we go. That first one will be ready to send to the printers tomorrow, so, really, just three more.

That works out to 16 work days (wow! When you put it that way, it doesn’t seem that far away).

Yup, in 552 hours we will be heading for the land of the Blue Jays and the apple orchards. (Ouch, 552 hours is way too much.)

Yup, in 368 WAKING hours, we will be headed for the land of Zone 9 Gardening and eight-lane highways. (Hmm, still sounds too onerous.)

Yup, in 128 WORKING hours, we will be headed for the land of real antique stores and nights that are both dark AND warm. (You know, when you subtract the time I spend playing online backgammon, that works out to, like, 32 working hours … it’s like I am almost there!).

To put it yet another way, I will be watching 16 more episodes of The View before I leave for vacation and I will be throwing the remote control at Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s head 22 times for something stupid she said.

Go to my happy place. Go to my happy place.

Oh yeah, I’m going on vacation in 23 days. That’s my happy place. I just have to wash the dishes 12 more times and mow the lawn seven more times (who’s idea was it to de-thatch and fertilize it this year?).

And I’ll be going to the gym 10 more times … unless, you know, I’m tired at the end of the day from typing and talking on the phone. Or mowing the lawn, because, you know, that right there, that’s a good workout already.

Am I right, people?

In just 23 days, the same amount of time that it takes the Blue Jays to play 17 games (or the time it takes them to win three games), I will be flying over their home field at SkyDome (or Rogers Centre, or Bernie’s Live Bait Shoppe or whatever other sponsors they found to put their name up there).

Did you know that it takes 23 days to count to one million?

It takes the Earth 23 days to rotate on its orbit.

It takes to 23 days to sail from Taiwan to Brisbane.

According to Thomas N. Bulkowski, author of Encyclopedia of Chart Patterns, it takes 23 days for a fallen stock price to recover. This is called Bulkowski’s Dead-Cat Bounce.

In Orlando, Florida, they are trying “Inquiry Math” – a.k.a. “Fuzzy Math” to its critics – to teach their students. It takes 23 days to teach the Pythagorean Theorem with this method which, according to “Too Bad”, from Sanford, Florida, is because “you either have a moron for a teacher, idiots for students, or a horribly inefficient instructional method”.

I don’t care. In that same amount of time, we will be leaving for our summer vacation in Ontario.

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