Europe: Sasquatch-free

Europe is a fantastic place to visit; not so much for what it has, but rather for what it does not have.

Sometimes it is good to leave that with which you are familiar, for that which is strange, in order to escape the pressures of home for a time and return with an open and serene mind.

For when you return, those same things (or in this case, thing) that troubled you at home will seem to weigh less upon your mind.

That is why I find Europe a fantastic place to visit: it is Sasquatch-free.

Where to start? The constant borrowing of money (followed by the constant, yet never sincere, promises to repay you “just as soon as I get back on my feet”)? The constant vacuuming of your car and couch for foot-long hairs they seem to shed year round? And when was the last time you saw a Sasquatch pick up a cheque after a night out? Please. We all know the answer is never.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no specie-ist. I have no problem with Sasquatches in general. Live and let live is my motto. They just seem to be stirring up trouble all over the territory these days: bolting across highways at inopportune moments, making nests in vegetable gardens out of your prized rhubarb plants, getting your dog all riled up by tossing that stick you specifically asked him, or her, not to throw.

The list goes on and on.

All that and just when you’re looking for one, *poof* he or she can’t be found. Especially when it’s moving day and you need to borrow their truck.

The petty annoyances just seem to pile up. Have you ever tried to take a group photo at a party with a Sasquatch in attendance? He or she just can’t sit still and, accordingly, they end up all blurry and out of focus. Which would be fine if said Sasquatch didn’t then request multiple re-shoots while blaming the “poor lighting” of the place.

How can the lighting be to blame everywhere we go? It’s a real party buzz-kill. That and all the knock-knock jokes. Whoever taught the first Sasquatch a knock-knock joke should be exiled from the territory.

Of course, if truly put to the question, I would say that having the Yukon as home to the Sasquatch is a bit of a territorial treasure. Still, they are becoming a bit of a nuisance of late, and getting out of the territory is just what the doctor ordered to calm my nerves and reset my Sasquatch tolerance meter.

As far as I understand it, Europe has been Sasquatch Free since ’93 (I believe it has something to do with global warming … or the closure of Pizza Hut Europe. Much like with the dinosaur extinction, the science is still out).

And that is why Europe, at least for me, is a fantastic place to visit.

This story has been entered in the Foreign Correspondent Contest and could earn the writer a round-trip, for two, to Frankfurt, Germany, courtesy of Condor Airlines. See the Contest Guidelines at

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