The Tale of the Tinder-Q

Say you’re a single person throwing a barbecue. No stranger to the rigours of quality event

coordination, you line up a food and drink theme, secure a donated fire pit, invite all your friends and lots of peeps you know but never really hang out with. Cute flyers are made. Fancy sausages ordered from the butcher shop. The weather even cooperates with the bluest of skies.

But what happens when you take it to the next level and invite all your Tinder matches to your barbecue? This is the the story of inviting eight Tinder matches to my Bison Chorizo Margarita Party.

I hadn’t been on the app for very long at this point; probably a week or so. Here’s a character rundown:

Two matches were handsome friends who were working or out of town that night. Two were Alaskans, back in Alaska. One match was a traveler, now also in, you guessed it, Alaska. One Whitehorse guy said he was too tired from being out on the water all day. He also said he had sand in his bum (?), and after that reveal I didn’t really pressure him to come. Another match said he was getting ready to go out staking the next day, so was taking it easy. And the last one was a baseball player in town for a tournament, very eager to attend.

So I’m at my barbecue, with my phone hooked up on a Lana Del Rey playlist. Every time I got a Tinder notification, and I got a lot, the music stopped. Total newb mistake.

Lesson #1, put the radio on CJUC instead.  

I asked my friends if I should I have this baseball guy over. There was a decidedly mixed response. I texted him, saying prove to me you’re not the bad kind of weirdo. This party is at my house. Safety first, y’all.

We keep chatting. He definitely wants to try some bison sausage. I consider saving him one and meeting him later on a dog walk, instead of inviting him over. This guy and I have zero friends in common. He didn’t write a bio, which is never a good sign. As the delicious margaritas progressed, I told my friends I was gonna have him over, four promptly took that as their cue to leave.

Lesson #2  is that when you plan your very own Tinder-Q, consider that the introverts are gonna get real uncomfortable with this.

So, I’m talking about the BBQ to Mr. Baseball, mentioning that it is pretty chill, as I have like a number of pregnant friends right now. He messages, “Naughty girls.”

WOW. So very many things wrong with that statement. Swift as Taylor, I unmatched. And that was that.

So, what happens when you invite all your matches to your barbecue? No one came, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

He found me on another dating site the next day and apologized. I did not reply.

Next on What’s Up Tinder: the Dawson Tinder Report.

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